“Mom says this is her 600th post – whatever that means; I can only count up to two – and she was going to have a giveaway of some handmade soaps and this beeeyoootiful washcloth. I think she should really give it to me instead.
But, then she thought, why celebrate the amount of her babbling when she could celebrate the number of people who visit the blog instead?
Right now, she has 84 followers (so she says; 84 could be her age). She says she will have a giveaway when this blog gets 100 followers.
Soooo, stay tuned! Maybe she’ll let me pick a winner…I take bribes.
OW! Mom hit me!”
“Mom says I have to hold this poppy all day today and memorize a poem called ‘In Flanders Fields’…”
“Ooooh, this is so soft and pretty! May I pick some?”
Because a strolling squirrel gathers no moss.
“Mom said to leave her alone while she got some work done. Wait until I tell her I found the sun!”
“Mom, you told me to talk to the hand…I think the hand is saying, ‘You da squirrel!’.”
“Mom, was this when your mother picked you up from the Baby Factory?” Yes; that’s how they used to make babies back in the day.
“Mom apologized for forgetting about my blog post yesterday and promised me a special treat to make up for it. Ummmm, in which squirrel universe would shredded squid be considered a special treat??”
Listen, Percival; there are a lot of starving squirrels out there who would gladly have this. Tell you what? I’ll eat the squid and you can nibble on the desiccant pack.
“Was this your plan all along?”
Are you questioning me?
“Mom, when will you be finished with this nest?”
It’s not a nest; I’m knitting a shawl.
“Well, I’m going to call it ‘My Warm Fluffy Bed’!”
And I’m going to call myself the Next New York Times Best Seller Author but you know what?
The chances of either becoming true are pretty much zero.
“Look Mom! I found new friends. They said they’d play with me, but they won’t stop arguing with each other.”
If you want my advice, I’d play with the red dude. His name is Optimus Prime. He’s a good guy.
“But the blue guy has a really cool voice.”
Yeah, Soundwave does have a cool voice, but you can’t trust him.
“Really? Heeeey, where did he go? And what is this funny machine thing doing here?”
[my apologies for the Transformer jokes you might not understand]
“Mom, what is out there?”
Um, the great wide world? Endless possibilities? An expanding universe?
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
Well, then, pesky bugs? An assault of pollen? The weather?
“Nooo, I mean, what is that little brown thing with the stripes on the grass that has been CHIPping for the past half hour?”
Oh, that would be a *&^% chipmunk.
“Mom! I have tender felt ears, you know.”